In The "Sometimes Humor Can Operate a Little Too Close to the Painful Truth" Department

Regular readers of The Onion have no doubt already seen this, but it's too good not to share (and as the good folks at The Carpetbagger Report note, it's funny because it's (almost) true):

This Onion piece, by way of Michael Froomkin, is unfortunately hilarious.

In a decisive 1–0 decision Monday, President Bush voted to grant the president the constitutional power to grant himself additional powers.

"As president, I strongly believe that my first duty as president is to support and serve the president," Bush said during a televised address from the East Room of the White House shortly after signing his executive order. "I promise the American people that I will not abuse this new power, unless it becomes necessary to grant myself the power to do so at a later time."

The Presidential Empowerment Act, which the president hand-drafted on his own Oval Office stationery and promptly signed into law, provides Bush with full authority to permit himself to authorize increased jurisdiction over the three branches of the federal government, provided that the president considers it in his best interest to do so.

"In a time of war, the president must have the power he needs to make the tough decisions, including, if need be, the decision to grant himself even more power," Bush said. "To do otherwise would be playing into the hands of our enemies."

According to the parody, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez responded to the Presidential Empowerment Act by telling reporters, "Previously, the president only had the power to petition Congress to allow him to grant himself the power to grant more power to himself. Now, the president can grant himself the power to interpret new laws however he sees fit, then use that power to interpret a law in such a manner that in turn grants him increased power." Sen.

John Cornyn (R-Tex.) added, "This gives the president the tools he needs to ensure that the president has all the necessary tools to expedite what needs to be done, unfettered by presidential restrictions on himself. It's long overdue."