Breaking News! George Bush Admits He's The Bastard Love Child of Barbara and Moe Of Three Stooges Fame

Finally! The truth is out: George W. Bush is NOT the legitimate heir to the Bush (missing a few dozen important chromosomes) Dynasty but is, instead, the bastard love chair of Barbara Bush's long, impestuous affair with Moe of the Three Stooges.

She (known as Babs with Crabs in her lustier days) says she does NOT, however, have an explanation for the fact that Georgy managed to make president when he can neither spell "Stooge" or "Bastard" (although Barbara frankly acknowledged that her Georgy is both along with an imbecile, a crank, and a sadist).

Rudy Giuliani Clarifies His Promises If Elected As President

While some Americans were appalled at the news tendered up this week from GOP Presidential hopeful in 2008, former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, where he announced his wife would be allowed to sit in on all major policy meetings, Prudy Rudy expanded on his post election win plans:

• Giuliani's third wife, Judy Nathan, will not ONLY sit in on policy meetings, she will lead an effort to turn all women into submissive spouses willing to do anything for their men in power (Rudy states this is most necessary because he needs Nathan to be busy so she won't notice when he starts letting his new mistress follow him around to all public appearances as she did when Ms. Nathan was the floozy following him about Manhattan like an ardent cocker spaniel while he was still married to Donna Hanover)
• Giuliani will appoint his former top cop, Bernard Kerik, to be the Minister of Truth; instead of feeling like Kerik, in light of many lies and corruption and kickbacks and evidence that Kerik like Rudy himself has strong ties to organized crime (what we used to call "the mob" or "mafia", Rudy thinks this actually makes Kerik a stronger candidate
• Any attempts by the Vatican to punish Rudy for his multiple marriages and menages a trois will be met by Rudy sending the Pope to Guantanamo Bay (Gitmo) as an enemy combatant
• If his children continue to refuse to campaign for Rudy, Giuliani will simply draft them and send one to Afghanistan and the other to Iraq