Paula, Do Be Quiet

Paula Jones, the former Arkansas state employee whose sexual harassment suit against President Clinton helped trigger his impeachment, is challenging him to debate her publicly after he again denied harassing her in his new best-selling memoir.

"God, I and he knows what he did," Jones told CNN on Tuesday.

"Bill Clinton has a very big problem with telling the truth, and I think most of the American people know that.

"I'm not afraid of debating him because I know what happened, happened. He says it didn't happen, but it did happen," she said.

Poor Paula Jones. No one is paying her in nose jobs and breast jobs and travel, and a nanny for her dog, and big wardrobes. She's back to being poor, she was always stupid, and the last time we heard from her before this, it was to whine about how the right used poor little her. Unfortunately, her veracity was a little spotty so that didn't net her a lucrative payoff.

As a good book once wrote, "If you sell yourself as a whore, don't be surprised if you get fucked in the process."

Even if Clinton actually did what she claimed he did - and I don't believe he did - Paula got more payoff than any other woman ever has for just spending an uncomfortable moment. Oh, don't get me wrong. If Clinton exposed himself, that was wrong. But do I think that's worth what Paula - and more importantly, the right - got out of it? Hell, no. In fact, Paula's one of the reasons we weren't prepared for 9/11: the Cotton Mather crowd was there focusing all their attention on Monica and Paula and telling the rest of the country to as well.

And please, Paula. I would not challenge anyone to a debate. Remember, you always needed people to talk for you during the Clinton years. Susan Carpenter MacVillain, as I recall. Of all the women who have ever been placed in a situation like you describe, and that's a considerable number, which should form a degree of bonding, no one respects you. It was clear from the beginning that you weren't there to right a wrong done to you. You were there, on salary, to do whatever it took to get the payoff.

Even the right threw you away when they were done with you. But we could have told you that. You just wanted your money. That money is gone now, so I suspect you'd like more. I doubt, however, that John Kerry is going to get anywhere near you. You might, however, see if you can become Rush Limbaugh's new maid. I hear he pays well if you're willing to run out to the store for him.