12.30.2004

Potential Love Interests for Judith Regan

Poor, poor Judith Regan: not only does her affair with a married man get spread out all over the news (the tsunami giving us some respite from the continuing saga of Bernie Kerik's messy personal and professional life), but we also got the assorted details about how she sent Bernie (who sent NYPD detectives) after Faux colleagues when she misplaced her cell phone and how she then hired a bodyguard once she broke up with Bernie.

So - trying to be ever helpful - I decided to come up with a list of potential mates for Dame ("Please, put another inch of Vaseline on the camera lens") Stunningly Beautiful Regan. Since she doesn't appear to be too picky, neither will I in suggesting possibilities.

These are:

    * The Gropinator - Arnold can grunt sweet nothings into her ear while he shows her just how much he respects women (not at all)
    * Rudy Giuliani - Rudy's about due for another extramarital affair and another bout of shooting himself in the groin
    * Roger Ailes - fat, old, hate-filled - what could be more perfect?
    * The Donald - he'll call her "classy" although Judy's about twice the age of his reent girlfriends