Fast Food (Of A Sort): Cut to the Chase Quick Bytes for 1-21-08

Want An (Un)Appetizer With The Meal?

If you want a guarantee you won't eat so much today (or tomorrow, or next year), check out The Times' Michael Gordon's nightmare first course via Glenn Greenwald at Salon: This nattering nay bob of a neocon argues that the best way to prove our patriotism to this country and our love of Iraq is to stay there fighting F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Check, please!

SlopSoup of the Day:

A big bowl of thick chowder seems like an ideal meal in January. But steer clear of House Dem Leader Nancy Pelosi's lobster pot; the more American voters scream for the Bushies to be indicted, the faster Nancy serves up nothing but year-old watery, rancid, voter sickening leftovers of “impeachment is not on the table” bisque. Unless Pelosi resets and stocks up that table soon, she might be swimming in the broth herself flanked only by foul (disembodied) fish heads that look and stink suspiciously like Mike Huckabee and Chuck Norris..

Free Egg roll (But Only If You're A Bizillionaire):

With the U.S. Economic outlook – never, ever good under Bush's tenure as top chef – tanking faster than we can steal crude oil out of Iraq, the president offers up the only solution he knows – and uses for every problem, regardless of what it is. That's right; the best way to stimulate the economy out of a probable recession, he insists, is to serve up 10-course gourmet free lunches (and you just know he'll have as many endangered species – like the American middle class – as he can fit) to the very rich, which I assume he'll deliver one-at-a-time in a gas-hogging Humvee he'll give billionaires another tax break to buy for free.. The rest of you? Starve already so there'll be more room at the restaurant table for Bush loyalists!

Today's Pickle:

The so-called master of conspiracy theory films, Oliver Stone, revs up to produce his latest. The subject matter? Someone who can't spell “conspiracy theory” - namely, George W. Mush uh... Slush... Tush... oops... um... Bushwhacked. Josh Brolin (oh, the repugs will love this; Barbra Streisand's stepson) will play the mentally challenged Commander-in-Cheat but there's no word yet on whether Queen Latifah has signed to portray Cheney or Rosie O'Donnell to play “little” brother, Jeb. Yet one thing's guaranteed: Diebold will handle the Academy Award voting for it so you just know Bush will win.

And The Dessert's On Us:

Want some much-needed good news to restore your desire to eat? We've got a recipe you'll drool over: as of today, Monday, it's just one year until we can push the Bushies to the curb faster than you can say, “Stick a fork in Dubya; he's DONE!” Perhaps celebrate with Vermont's own Ben and Jerry's ice cream and fear not: with Vermont the only state in the union Dubya has NOT visited during his reign of 'error, there's no way B&J's creamy – and progressive! - goodness has been contaminated.