Announcing My Candidacy for the Pope
I hope JP2 all the best, but just in case, I'm tossing my hat (actually, I only have a Siberian snowcap) into the smoke ring to be the next Pope.
Here are some of my strong points that should be considered by the Papal College:
- * I'm a woman (and it's high time for a Popette)
* I promise to loot Vatican City and send the money back to the parishioners who've funded all their gold and precious art treasures
* I'll get rid of the silly hat and Vatican City; we'll run the Church from Jersey City or someplace
* I'll sell the PopeMobile to Michael Jackson or Arnold S or some dipshit like that to start funding programs for those who were abused by priests
* I'll keep the Latin (I like Latin) but dispense with a bunch of the "great mystery" that's just a way for the current Papal system to commit egregious acts outside of public scrutiny
* I'll personally spank some sense into Antonin Scalia
* Think "women" priests and "married" priests
* Think training and evaluating priests so the molestation shit doesn't happen
* This teaching poor people that contraception's a bad thing's gonna stop
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