Bush to Outline Anti-Flu Plan
WaPo has it here, but let me give the president's surprise highlights:
- We pray we won't get inflected.... er... infacted... er... sick.
- We've stockpiled just enough doses of TamiFlu for the wealthiest Americans and all my friends. Anything left over will be sold - at substantial markup because my pal Rummy makes a buck on every dose - to conservative Christians only who can prove they voted for me in 2004.
- We'll release a statement saying the flu is the work of Osama, Saddam, and Cindy Sheehan.
- We will move high risk people to those lovely, newly vacated homes in East New Orleans. Karl Rove says Louisiana winters are good for flu.
- We will attack Iran and Syria because Scooter Libby says they might get avian flu there.
- We'll offer Halliburton a no-bid contract to supply a billion boxes of half-ply facial tissues at a discount price of $149.85 a 100-count box.
- We'll raise gas prices.
- Since I hear virii don't like the cold, I just cut all low income fuel assistance subsidies for this coming winter. Like I keep sayin', I just don't understand poor people.
- We will offer flu sufferers a choice: be shot or sign up for Iraq (Rummy says we take dead people).
- I'll go on vacation for five weeks.
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