Oh Cardinals! Cue the White Smoke and Let's Get This Sucker on the Road

See my post from the other day for details on my position and platform.

Seriously, I heard today you were starting to get sweet on the German Ratzinger. But let's get real here, men (you're still technically men, correct?): Ratz has no zing (well, OK, except as part of his name). And it doesn't help that he looks like a chubby version of that crazed, evil preacher in Poltergeist 2 (no, I'm sorry, I don't know why they made three of them).

The Mexican one got completely passed over. But here's the deal. I can speak Spanish (and read it better). Not well, of course, but certainly better than Mr. Bush who speaks it as bad as he speaks English.

So if you add Spanish to my ability to speak English, my fledgling Latin and my wild gesticulations and eye rolls that are a language onto themselves, we're talking that I know like 2.37903 languages. Kind of impressive for an American, yes?

Come on, guys. You're busy people. You need to get back to make certain all the poor old ladies in your parishes are paying to contribute to the Vaticans' gold treasury.

So vote "Kate" on the next ballot, get that white smoke a-puffin, and you're going to see a Catholic Church completely reborn. I've even been practicing my genuflections and my Gregorian chanting plus my good slacks are already pressed!

Do it my way and you'll be back buying primo wine for Sunday's dinner with money taken from the collection plate. Don't make me hire Diebold!