In A Panel of Bald-Faced Liars, Mike Huckabee Stands Out

[Methinks spending time around Chuck Norris and his drug-induced haze has affected the Huck's mental capacity (which was never exactly firing on all cylinders to start with).]

Mike Huckabee, the same man who last week insisted that it was his solemn duty to change the U.S. Constitution to reflect HIS interpretation of the word of God - namely, to outlaw homosexuality and a woman's right to choose and make any semblance of marriage restricted exclusively to a man and a woman - with a straight face during the Thursday night Florida GOP presidential debate, insisted that he would never, ever try to impose his religious views on the nation.

Say what?

"America's Mayor" Campaign Going Boom DOT Bust?

For weeks and weeks, GOP presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani has been pouring all his time and resources (and we've learned that his campaign, even before Mike Huckabee's, has run out of money in ways that make it impossible to pay all staffers) into key primaries like Florida's after doing very badly in Iowa, New Hampshire, and others.

However, it's unlikely Giuliani, mayor of New York City on September 11th, 2001, will win even Republican voters when it's time for the Empire State to cast ballots. But if he does as badly in the upcoming Florida primary as polls suggest, how can the man who sold out the firefighters and other 9-11 rescue workers, who took billions in no-bid contracts not just from the Bush Administration but from our supposed sworn enemies, and who should have an in among Floridians who were former New Yorkers, stay in the race? Despite his focus down there, he's halved his polling numbers since November (from 36 to 18%).

The Republican debate in Florida is tonight on MSNBC. Urg.

The South Carolina Democratic Debate: Who Won? Not Us

If I had to sum up my reaction to the South Carolina Democratic debate Monday night in just one sentence, I would paraphrase what contender John Edwards said, "Excuse me, there are three people in this debate, not TWO and with all this squabbling, how many kids will be able to get health care or go to college because of this meanness."

Not only did this become a Hillary-Barack slugfest with their behavior along with how debate host CNN's Wolf Blitzer handled it, but the media after the fact seemed to ignore that Edwards was even present. Most of the clips of it shown offered no glimpse, much less a soundbyte, from the former North Carolina senator.

The relatively few who DID notice Edwards was there, like Keith Olbermann on MSNBC's Countdown, noted that he came out as the soul of reason, the only one who realizes this isn't about Hillary or Barack or even himself, but a nation filled with hurting people who can no longer afford their mortgages, their health insurance, or to be guaranteed a decent education for their kids. As Newsweek's Howard Fineman pointed out with Keith, if Clinton-Obama fights like this continue for the next month, Edwards is almost guaranteed to come out ahead of both of them put together.

Finally, the media was far more focused on the arguments between the woman candidate and the black candidate, making it sound like it was just wrong. As a pacifist and as someone who rarely feels she learns much from arguing, I'd agree. However, the media ONLY looks at Clinton and Obama and the fighting, giving almost NO attention to harsh words exchanged between Republican candidates or many of the lies the GOP runners tell about the Democrats as well as their own voting/business history. Given how the media presents this stuff, how can we possibly trust their overall analysis? Hell, they didn't give Mike Huckabee this kind of heat when he came out a few times last week to declare that the U.S. Constitution must be completely rewritten to document the word and laws of His God - something that affects all of us a HELL of a lot more than whether Hillary and Barack love each other or engage in verbal smackdowns

The Last Debate of 2007

Argh. So many debates, so long before the actual vote is NOT a good thing.

If you haven't already read it, I highly recommend Ralph's list of questions he'd like to see addressed at round two of the Iowa debates: the Dems in the last debate of 2007. [How do I nominate Ralph to be the next moderator?]

I'm listening to the debate now though it caught me by surprise. CNN kept saying the debate was Thursday night but at 2 PM ET, they fed us some of the worst audio possible (sounds like it was recorded in my washing machine). However, what I noted FIRST were these points:

-- CNN made a big and rather demeaning deal of the Dem senator candidates who took private jets to rush to Iowa after voting on the energy bill today as in "oh, really, they couldn't save energy going together by plane?" - I don't mind the question but why the hell is this standard NEVER, EVER applied to the Bushies or the Republicans in general? We ALL need to be smarter about energy use; if only Democrats do it, it won't work.

-- Why were Mike Gravel and Dennis Kucinich kept OUT of the Dem debate today (which CNN applauded as a smart move) yet Alan Keyes (who? well, we last saw him mosh pitting in the 96 Republican presidential race), who not even Republicans seemed to know was running until last night, allowed to debate in the GOP version?

-- If CNN thinks it's "helping America" with its "approval meter" showing where viewers like and dislike debate points by candidate, they're screwier than their Kyra Philips is dumb as denuded dirt.

-- Moving up the caucuses and primaries is a massive mistake; we'll eliminate good candidates way too early which, sadly, may be the point.

Frank Rich: "Earth to GOP... The Gipper Is Dead"

I love this column! Read it all here:

Of course you didn’t watch the first Republican presidential debate on MSNBC. Even the party’s most loyal base didn’t abandon Fox News, where Bill O’Reilly, interviewing the already overexposed George Tenet, drew far more viewers. Yet the few telling video scraps that entered the 24/7 mediasphere did turn the event into an instant “Saturday Night Live” parody without “SNL” having to lift a finger. The row of 10 middle-aged white candidates, David Letterman said, looked like “guys waiting to tee off at a restricted country club.”

Since then, panicked Republicans have been either blaming the “Let’s Make a Deal” debate format or praying for salvation-by-celebrity in the form of another middle-aged white guy who might enter the race, Fred Thompson. They don’t seem to get that there is not another major brand in the country — not Wal-Mart, not G.E., not even Denny’s nowadays — that would try to sell a mass product with such a demographically homogeneous sales force. And that’s only half the problem. The other half is that the Republicans don’t have a product to sell. Aside from tax cuts and a wall on the Mexican border, the only issue that energized the presidential contenders was Ronald Reagan. The debate’s most animated moments by far came as they clamored to lip-sync his “optimism,” his “morning in America,” his “shining city on the hill” and even, in a bizarre John McCain moment out of a Chucky movie, his grin.

The candidates mentioned Reagan’s name 19 times, the current White House occupant’s once. Much as the Republicans hope that the Gipper can still be a panacea for all their political ills, so they want to believe that if only President Bush would just go away and take his rock-bottom approval rating and equally unpopular war with him, all of their problems would be solved. But it could be argued that the Iraq fiasco, disastrous to American interests as it is, actually masks the magnitude of the destruction this presidency has visited both on the country in general and the G.O.P. in particular.

By my rough, conservative calculation — feel free to add — there have been corruption, incompetence, and contracting or cronyism scandals in these cabinet departments: Defense, Education, Justice, Interior, Homeland Security, Veterans Affairs, Health and Human Services, and Housing and Urban Development. I am not counting State, whose deputy secretary, a champion of abstinence-based international AIDS funding, resigned last month in a prostitution scandal, or the General Services Administration, now being investigated for possibly steering federal favors to Republican Congressional candidates in 2006. Or the Office of Management and Budget, whose chief procurement officer was sentenced to prison in the Abramoff fallout. I will, however, toss in a figure that reveals the sheer depth of the overall malfeasance: no fewer than four inspectors general, the official watchdogs charged with investigating improprieties in each department, are themselves under investigation simultaneously — an all-time record.

Tonight's GOP Presidential Debate

Soooooo....

• Who is planning to watch?
• Which of the candidates, if any, will make it even somewhat clear he thinks Bush is doing a miserable job, in Iraq if not across the board?
• Who do you think, of the 10 or so Republican candidates, is apt to do best?
• Who will be the greatest assclown (paying my 10-cent royalty to the ever-wonderful Jurassic Pork of Welcome to Pottersville for the use of the term) of tonight?
• Will you be able to keep yourself from breaking a rib laughing too hard when Tommy Thompson, a man for whom multi-syllabic words presents a challenge, tries to answer a tough question?
• Will you need to take a very long and very hot shower afterwards?

Of these folks, the only ones I can possibly take seriously are Chuck Hagel (usually very good and moderate but can easily prostitute himself with some regularity) and Ron Paul, the Texan Libertarian anti-war fellow who doesn't stand a chance. Huckabee isn't too egregious either, but I'm uncertain whether he simply tells us what he thinks we want to hear; this we don't need.

Hearing again and again that Rudy Giuliani is the GOP frontrunner for the Republican Presidential candidate is sickening. What a huge mistake! And with John McCain as the second top-runner.... hoboy.

Soooo White And The Seven Dweebs

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little princess named Sooooo White (in an Ann Coulter kinda way) whose beauty was so very grating... er... glued on... uh... ghoulish.... $@*! great that it completely enraged and made homicidal her evil stepmother, Incompy (short for "incompetent") Rice who spent most of her time standing in front of a mirror admiring herself, shopping, or pushing her nose very, very, very deeply into the manly rump of Soooo White's daddy, King George the Lyin'-Hearted. [George, not exactly the brightest lightbulb in the 7 watt pack, just didn't have quite enough wattage to notice his daughter was gone; if he had, he would, of course, have blamed al Qaeda.]

So raging with jealousy was Incompy that she banished Sooooo White to the forest, where she was fortunate enough to have herself rescued by a compassionately conservative bunch of quasi-men with unusually small er... uh... family jewels.

These men (and we use the term "loosely", much like the way they take their true obligations) were known as the Seven Dweebs, and included (along with the "stars" who portray them in the Disney movie adaptation):

• Sid Vicious (played by "Duck, it's Dick!" Cheney)
• Sleazy (who else but "I'm going to fuck you like you've never been fucked before, even if I have to steal Ann Coulter's strap-on dildo to do so!" Karl Rove?)
• Dopey (the absolute perfect role for Attorney General Alberto ("No, I didn't lie; I just didn't happen to tell the truth. Ever!") Gonzales
• Groupie (this role is now played by Iraq commander of operations David Petraeus who uses his extraordinary military brilliance to do whatever it is King George, with NO military or true leadership experience of his own, tells him to do.)
• Jock (portrayed by no lesser being than the Director of Duct Tape, Michael Chertoff)
• Bashful (after both George Tenet and Porter Goss left this role, it has been assumed by General "I know the U.S. Constitution better than anybody and there ARE NO provisions or liberties afforded American citizens unless King George SAYS there are." Hayden)
• Metrosexual Mel (who else but I. Lewis "Scooter the Hooter" Libby?)
• Wolfie (since the Bush Administration... errr... King George can't count, Paul Wolfowitz plays the eighth seventh dweeb while simultaneously giving his girlfriend a job she is not qualified for at twice the salary of his girlfriend's boss as Wolfie does his utmost to bankrupt third world countries like Ethiopia and the United States; when not busy, Wolfie likes to join his pal, Mr. Morals William "Bill" Bennett at the Dungeon of Whips & Cheesecake operated by the D.C. Madam Dominatrix, Lynne Cheney)

Er.... uh... I'm being told that it is not yet bedtime, so I am not allowed to continue this fairy tale until AFTER all the manure has been cleaned off the stage of the Ronald Reagan Library (heh... imagine either Ronnie Raygun OR King George reading a book!) following tonight's Republican Presidential Debate. [Personally, I can't imagine that cleaning job can be done much before August - or 2057 if King George is in charge.]