2008 Prez Contest Looks to Be One Hell of a Loser

Seriously, stop to consider the candidates we've heard about just so far:

Condi Rice - only Condi, the president's favorite black woman after Aunt Jemima, would consider a record of never-ending failure as a qualification for president; the only interesting part of this will be when Lucianne Goldberg and the Freepers start showing their overt racism and Bush actually comes out to tell us Condi isn't gay but she sure is merry.

Newt Gingrich - clearly the result of what happens when a brother and sister already missing some chromosomes AND suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome have unprotected sex; the best thing that can be said of Newt is that he's not quite the same right-wing extremist as some of them but is that any endorsement to run the free world?

Hilary Clinton - someday, someone is going to out Hilary for what she is; no, not gay, a just-to-the-right of centrist Republican (pro death penalty, willing to let women's rights die for the sake of her political career, feels entitled). Do not confuse her with Bill. She is NOT Bill. She is NOT presidential material. But she probably IS the GOP's favored Dem choice which gives us all the more reason not to let her get close.

John Kerry - not content to lose just once... Do not let this man anywhere near an election ever again.

Bill Frist - I've seen fleas and black flies with more ethics, and movie stars with less ego; he would literally be one of the worst choices possible. Send this brain-challenged doc back to Tennessee.

Jeb Bush - oh yes, the world just needs more Bush. Perhaps his drug addict daughter can get a cushy government job while Jeb races to disconnect the life supports of the poor and blacks so he can keep special cases alive for 15-30 years after their brains stop registering any electrical activity. His favorite phrase lately is, "What else can I do?" Inspiring choice.

John Edwards - pretty, smart, but not enough.

Joe Lieberman - who can possibly forget Joementum? ::yawn:: If the Democrats have any soul whatsoever, they will laugh publicly if Joe even opens his mouth, and then they should show again and again that video of Bush giving Joe a big fat kiss.

Mitt Romney - this one is such an embarrassment I can't even bring myself to give him a full thought.

John McCain - Bush's American-born bitch (to keep him from being confused with Tony Blair); a man who once occasionally stood for something has now proven he really didn't. Retire, John.

Rudy Giuliani - it will be hard for him to schedule the campaign in between his philandering, divorces, and self-back patting; I think most of America was tired of him even before the Bernie Kerik debacle. Rudy was always schizophrenic but now he's just a whore. Do not let him near the election.

Who am I missing? There are soooo many bad choices.