Zell Miller Rushed to Hospital

Where medical personnel have determined that the former, unhinged (not formerly unhinged since he's still actively unhinged) senator is suffering from diabetes from drinking too much koolaid and from oxygen deprivation from having his nose buried so far up the president's anus.

Asked if this condition might present permanent brain damage, a doctor responded, "How could we possibly tell?"

There are unconfirmed reports that the only one who possibly cares, Chris Matthews of MSNBC, is flying down tonight to try to help Miller through his crisis by endlessly repeating the tape of Miller challenging him to a duel.

Yes, this is the same videotape Matthews repeats on his own show at least 10 times a week and is rumored to masturbate to whenever his wife hides the Time Magazine cover with Ann Coulter or his copy of the 2005 Conservative Babes calendar showing Coulter (Ms. January because she's so damned frigid), Malkin (Ms. February because she resembles a ground hog), Monica Crowley (Ms. November because she's definitely past her peak ripeness), and Bill O'Reilly in drag as Mrs. Sexy Santa showing what a gift a loofah can be.