Wait, I Have a Solution!

Kind-hearted person that I am, I've actually thought of a way to help poor Bill O'Reilly with his (alleged) sins of the battery-operated and cellular.

If only he tapes that picture of Katherine Harris (scroll down) to his vibrator and phone, I don't think he needs worry about making any of those hot and bothered telephone calls again (if he did; while he has not denied making them he also has not admitted it). Even the poor phone-humping kid from Levittown or Smithtown or Westbury (wherever the hell he was spawned) couldn't get in a shower with Katherine, and certainly not if his back was to her. Cough.