Well, They Did Suggest We Write to Judith Miller....

So, armed her address and inmate # at the Alexandria Detention Center, I wrote a letter to her:

Dear Ms. Miller,

Just thought I'd drop you a few lines with some suggestions for what you can do with all your free time for the possibly four months you'll be a guest of the federal taxpayers (as a multimillionaire yourself, of course, you'll pay only a tiny fraction of what the rest of us do thanks to the endless Bush taxcuts for the rich).

Here are my first dozen ideas, but don't worry, I'll write again.

1) Read the Bible and at least pretend to convert to Christianity. This worked very well for Nixon/Watergate creepoid Chuck Colson and almost got Manson's Susie Atkins paroled a couple of times (and man, is she quite the squirrel nut zipper).

2) Check your prison cell and your unit's day room every day for WMD. You just never know where that wiley Saddam may have hidden it.

3) Get some catalogs and order a few pretty things to accessorize your lovely orange prison jumpsuit.

4) Think up witty tattoos to have affixed to you for all time by your cellmate. Maybe something like "I [heart] Karl Rove".

5)Drop Ahmed Chalabi, Perle, and Wolfowitz a note asking, "Could you possibly have been wrong?"

6) Dream up ways you can - once you return to work - try to sell the public that all that missing WMD from Iraq somehow got secreted and moved to Iran and Syria so you can help justify George and Dick's next excellent adventure.

7) Spend some time reading all the documents related to the Downing Street Memo.

8) Lure Bob Novak to the jail to visit you then knock the old coot out, take his clothes and dress him in your orange jumpsuit and a ratty wig while you make your getaway using Bob's walker.

9) Call John Bolton and thank him for that Plame tip then reminisce about all the fun times you two kids had in charm school together.

10) Tell the warden conditions at the prison are deplorable and you'd like to be transferred, then add that you've heard Gitmo is very nice and detainees there get TWO kinds of canned fruit each day.

11) Drop a note to Armstrong Williams asking how it was he got paid so much by the Bushies yet never did jailtime.

12)Send a secret message to Karl Rove reminding him, "You said nobody would ever find out that I was lying for you guys! You wouldn't lie to me, would you?