My Letter to Karl Rove, Bush's Brain Anus

Karl Rove
Senior Advisor
White House

Dear Mr. Rove:


After hearing your remarks Wednesday night, I want to encourage you to support a program you seem to dearly believe in: make the world safe from terrorists in Iraq.

With so many people calling for your termination, I want to invite you to enlist in the Army and join our brave troops in Iraq fighting on the front lines in Fallujah, Ramadi, and Baghdad.

Unmarried and childless, you don't have to worry about leaving a family behind. Finally, you can put your life where your mouth is as tens of thousands of other brave Americans (but too few Republicans in power) have done.

Finally, you'll be able to do what you enjoy most: "fucking people over like they've never been fucked before" (although these words are attributed to you, Mr. Rove, I find this very strange and offensive language for a) someone paid with our tax dollars and b) someone who is so beloved by the fundamentalist right).

Yes, you're quite fat and spineless except when hiding behind the spineless likes of a James Dobson, a Jerry Falwell, or a Pat Robertson, but considering Mr. Rumsfeld has called 50-, 60-, and even 70-year-old men and women into battle, I'm sure they can find a place for you.

Unfortunately, however, as you may have heard, we've got a shortage of body armor. So I'm afraid that - like so many of the other troops - you'll need to have a bake sale to raise money for your body armor. You'll probably need to buy your own bullets, too. Oh, and don't be surprised if you go unpaid for months and months at a time - this is also a common phenomenon for our brave soldiers.

BTW, if they ask you to be a test "detainee" at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, say no. Apparently our troops sometimes beat detainees into brain damage and sometimes death. But don't worry - we hear those are just "a few bad apples" and not representative of the general treatment offered.

So, Mr. Rove, when would you like to go? I hear there are more than 6,000 AWOL soldiers from Iraq so I would say your presence is needed immediately if not sooner. Would you be available for a Saturday transport?

Signed-

Yours truly!

Katharine Chase
A liberal who doesn't want to offer you therapy but a position on the front lines in THIS Republican's war