Max's Take on 9/11 Report

Two warnings: It's funny AND you need to go here to read it all:

The following is from the Commission's classified annex to its report. It was posted to an anonymous website with background steel drum music by agents of French Guadeloupe.

1. In a disappointing test of airport security, a chainsaw was smuggled onto the US Air shuttle from New York to D.C.

2. George W. Bush was given a preliminary, private briefing on "My Pet Goat" and read it with the aid of a teleprompter.

3. On several occasions, instead of being at his undisclosed location inside Raven Rock Mountain, Dick Cheney spent afternoons at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse.

4. Osama Bin Ladin's Pentagon pay records, when he was aligned with the U.S. against the Soviets in Afghanistan, were inadvertently destroyed in 1987 when a Mr. Coffee machine exploded.

5. Tom Ridge is gay. This was classified because it was deemed immaterial to the purpose of the Commission, but it was sufficiently interesting to merit a mention in the annex.

6. Glenn Reynolds is a "Manchurian candidate blogger" engineered by Islamic fundamentalists whose mission is to rot the brains of patriotic Americans, rendering them incapable of thinking clearly about national security.

7. Andrew Sullivan is not gay. His 'coming out' was a career move to entice otherwise indifferent readers curious about how a gay could be a conservative. This was brought to light in the Ridge investigation.