WHAT? No Maple Syrup in Baghdad? The Infidels!
Jesus' General writes to Vermont's governor. Poor, poor Jim.
Dear Governor Douglas,Vermont happens to have the highest mortality rate per capita among American soldiers in Mr. Bush's Iraqi folly.
I was horrified to learn that there was no genuine maple syrup for breakfast during your trip to Iraq. So, I’ve decided to do something about it. I’ve been on the phone all afternoon, and I am told there are now serious murmurings about a full congressional investigation into this outrage.
Who is to blame? I don’t think we can blame the President. He has made it amply clear that he relies on his Generals in the field to make menu-level decisions. The Secretary of Defense has already said “You go to war with the menu you have, not the menu you might want or wish to have.” Okay…fair enough!
No…the blame lies with the minority party in Congress. When pushed about funding for more maple syrup to support the troops, they change the subject. They rant on…something about body armor and they make silly suggestions about Humvees. They raise stupid ideas that would make the damn things so heavy and slow that the troops would never get back from a night raid in time to enjoy a wholesome breakfast with pure maple syrup.
So, something must be done, Governor. There have been about 22 Vermonters killed in this war. I shudder at the inhumanity of those proud soldiers getting killed without a proper maple syrup-laden Last Breakfast.
And the solution is so simple--syrup just isn’t that expensive!The only bright spot in this, Governor, is that you are physically safe from harm after your horrific maple-syrup-less breakfast in the Gulf. I mean, just imagine the national outrage and collective bereavement if you had met your demise in the Persian Gulf--without a proper Last Breakfast! I submit to you that the backlash would become a serious threat to our War on Terror®.
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