Chicago White Sox

I really wish I could muster the requisite enthusiasm but I... uh.. well...

Congratulations, White Sox fans. As a (former - they no longer need me) Red Sox fan (and only out of underdog sympathy), I know what it's like to finally have the impossible happen.

But after watching 5 minutes of Nascar the other night, I'm really far more worried about what goes on in red states. You can't be fascinated with cars racing around a track 581 times (and mind you, I went to high school next to Lime Rock Racetrack where my brother worked the pits back when Paul Newman raced and you'd get all these celebrities) and not lose brain cells.

Please, red state enthusiasts: they're fucking with your minds. Stand up and don't let them do it anymore. The brain cells you save will be your own.