Cheat Sheet for the Debate
Since the pundits, the media, and the Bush machine have all declared him the winner (like Florida, you can decide the results you want and then not let any nasty details get in the way of obtaining those results), I figure we can stop focusing in on issues.
So, to help, I'm offering these cheat sheets. The first tells you what Bush means when he says something else, while the second tells you what the talking heads mean when they praise Mr. Bush.
Bush Cheat Sheet
| What Bush Says | What He Means |
|---|---|
| "I love this country!" | "I love what morons you are." |
| "We rescued the Iraqi people. | "They didn't know screwed over til they met me." |
| "We gotta help Florida." | "I already gave 'em $15 billion of your money and had Jeb "fix" the voting machines." |
| "Why should I have second thoughts?" | "That would imply I have first ones. I don't!" |
| "God told me..." | "Dick Cheney or Karl Rove told me..." |
| "What's Kerry know? He doesn't say 'nucular' right." | "Really, all those thousands on my education were misspent." |
| "I want our kids to grow up strong..." | "They effing well better, 'cos I've got wars for 'em to wage." |
| "We turned the corner..." | "...from any hope of redemption to NONE! |
| "Abu Nadal" | "Abu Abbas (I can't get anything right)." |
Bushed Talking Heads Cheat Sheet
| What the 'Heads Say | What They Really Mean |
|---|---|
| "Bush was never better!" | "He didn't drool." |
| "He's a brilliant orator!" | "He got through the words "the" and "a" without messing 'em up." |
| "Who could possibly beat this man?" | "Look, the fix is in. Mr. Bush will return. Don't force us into Abu Ghraib." |
| "This is a man who thinks on his feet." | "Well, he has feet. The rest is questionable." |
| "This was a sobering moment..." | "Karen and Condi wouldn't let him drink beforehand." |
| "He's firm and decisive!" | "God could proclaim he's wrong and George wouldn't listen." |
| "He's a man's man...." | "...who falls off bikes, scooters, and chokes on pretzels." |
| "He didn't bat an eye." | "He couldn't; he couldn't lip-read Dick then." |
| "Why have two more debates? Bush won!" | "Please don't make us sit through 2 more Bush debates. Have mercy." |
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