Dirty Dozen #1: Ways to Increase MSNBC Viewership

With MSNBC struggling in its ratings, here are my dirty dozen suggestions for them to get a better audience share:

1. Don't start your morning programming with 3 hours of "Imus". I like Don Imus as much as the next person - especially since he suggested Rick Santorum would be better to torture in an Iraqi person than innocent Iraqi civilians - but he's sort of too much of an extreme measure going against Katie ("Aren't I adorable?") Couric.
2. Remember when NBC had Couric get a colonoscopy on air? I'd suggest you do this for Chris Matthews. People would pay to see this, especially if you administered no anesthesia.
3. More Keith Olbermann (he's your only hope).
4. Administer a penetrating electrical shock to Joe Scarbrough every time he lies. That should be about 300 shocks per hour.
5. Stop hiring credibility-challenged people like Jesse Ventura, Michael Savage, and Fred what's his name. Hiring professional clowns would be better.
6. More Keith Olbermann.
7. More truthfulness. For example, Alex Witt should be renamed to Alex Witless.
8. Instead of showing hours of "Headliners and Legends" each weekend, run Bush gaffes. They're a lot funnier and would make it seem like you're less desperate.
9. More Keith Olbermann.
10. Hire someone to repeatedly bitch-slap your "political analyst" Peggy Noonan until she can no longer gush. This also would prove to be a major ratings grabber.
11. Just dress Dan Abrams up as Geraldo and be done with it.
12. Did we mention show more Keith Olbermann?