Ashcroft: Will Seek Death Penalty Against Runners

Hey, it's not as wild as it sounds.

A new report shows that naturally occurring cannabinoids, lipid molecules produced by our own bodies, may be responsible for the "high" experienced by those who engage in prolonged periods of serious exercise rather than the endorphins generally credited with the phenomenon. The study, published in NeuroReport, and conducted jointed by the Georgia Institute of Technology and UC at Irvine, says that the effect matches that felt by users of marijuana.

Somehow, you just know US Attorney General John "Let the Turkeys Soar" Ashcroft will be rounding up marathon runners next. The only enjoyment he seems to sanction is self-flaggelation and shooting people. I keep imagining the kind of field day a psychoanalyst would have with Mr. "Cotton Mather was a Leftist Liberal" Ashcroft.