Imagine the Terror Alert Color Codes if Kerik Did Become Homeland Security Chief

Blue = Bernie forgot to refill his Cialis 'script
Green = No worries; Bernie's Rudy's bitch tonight
Yellow = Elevated; Bernie watched that tape of Rudy dressed up as a woman on SNL and it made him amorous
Orange = Uh oh - Bernie had raw oysters as an appetizer and he's been watching Arnold the Gropinator's obnoxious GOP honcho training films
Red = Hide everyone; Bernie's in heat